Glazed over

The last few weeks I've felt very detached from my body. As if I were just going through the motions of life without really feeling or thinking about it anymore. I'm having conflicting feelings about my new job. On one hand, its all muscle memory and it takes little effort to get back into the swing of things. But on the other hand, I am not really excited about doing any of it. But at the same time, would I be excited about doing any sort of job. Why the fuck do I care so much about a fucking job? Why can't I be like everyone else and just fucking do my job; then go home and have a life? What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel dizzy. I've felt dizzy and kinda woozy a lot recently. So any new job is going to do the same for me. Its going to make me frustrated and annoyed at people. So why do a job where "all I do is serve coffee" when I could do something "better"... I don't know what the fuck is going on inside my head anymore. Its a mess of junk in there. Whole thing should be cleaned out. Format the whole worthless thing and start over. To hell with it all. I give up. I don't care. Why can't I be satisfied with that answer? I'm too fucking idealistic. Clinging to this stupid dream that I might find a job that makes me feel worthwhile in life... fucking moron. Just suck it up and work you loser. I hate summer. Go to sleep you loser. Stop thinking so much. You'll only think yourself deeper into depression.